Everyone's Crazy 'Bout A Sharp Dressed Man
by mischief maker 2.0
Summary: Birthday drabbles for Naruto.
1. Hokage's Orders :NaruShizu:

**A/N:** Yesterday was Naruto's birthday, and I couldn't let my favorite boy celebrate without some drabble lovin'. XD  
**Pairing:** Naruto/Shizune with a side helping of the dynamic duo  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor can I vouch for my sanity at the point.

--

"EH!"

"You heard me. She's been giving me hell all week," she explained with a quick nod toward her assistant who was hiding in the corner behind her, head in her hands and seemingly hoping the wall would swallow her whole. "I need someone to take care of that and seeing as how you have nothing else to do at the moment, that someone is _you_." Tsunade gave him a look that said 'well, what are you waiting for?' over her folded hands.

His brain was screaming What? How? Huh? but all he could say was, "You're serious?"

"Deathly."

He nodded slowly in one of those I'm-not-quite-sure-what-alternate-dimension-I-just-fell-into-but-I'll-try-my-best-to-not-get-killed-while-I'm-here ways as he continued to stare at her in confusion.

With a sigh, Tsunade added, "Look, consider it a normal mission with pay and everything. Just. Get. It. Done. I'm about to lose my freaking mind!"

"Okay!" Naruto finally agreed as he quickly grabbed Shizune by the wrist and dragged her into the next room.

"Izumo. Kotetsu. Make sure he doesn't screw up."

"Hai!" The duo answered in unison and went about their newest mission.

As Naruto's protests began echoing throughout the floor, Tsunade poured herself a drink and smiled.


	2. Not A Problem :NaruSaku:

**A/N:** Yesterday was Naruto's birthday, and I couldn't let my favorite boy celebrate without some drabble lovin'. XD  
**Pairing:** NaruSaku yuri  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor can I vouch for my sanity at the point.

---

"Naruto, I need to tell you something."

The seriousness of her tone immediately caught his attention, and he couldn't help but frown. This was not going to be just another brush off, he knew. She better not have hooked up with fuzzy-brows, damn it!

"I…" she hesitated then seemed to find a little courage, enough to quickly blurt out, "I like girls." Her eyes never did make contact with his, though.

Hearty laughter was his only reaction until Sakura stood up from the bench they'd been sharing and started to walk away. "Wait, Sakura-chan. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong!" She turned on him, eyes blazing, and Naruto quickly put his hands up in surrender. "I tell you something _that_ personal, you laugh, and wonder _what's wrong_!"

"Sakura-chan. Sakura-chan. Calm down. You misunderstood." But she wasn't listening, and he was about to get a chakra-laden fist to the head if he didn't get his point across immediately. "Ah ha!" His hands formed the required seal and with a 'poof,' he was standing is all his female glory in front of her and every other person walking down the street right then.

"See? Not a problem."

Sakura's eyebrow twitched, but her fist was slowly lowered back to her side. Yes! He was _in_.

"Naruto?"

"Yes, Sakura-chan?" He couldn't stop himself from grinning as he slipped an arm around her shoulders.

"Put some clothes on, idiot."


	3. Hard To Get :team 7:

**A/N:** Yesterday was Naruto's birthday, and I couldn't let my favorite boy celebrate without some drabble lovin'. XD  
**Pairing:** team 7, although this is NaruSasu-centric  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor can I vouch for my sanity at the point

--

Sasuke's eye twitched as he read the scrap of paper covered in Naruto's messy scrawl. There were a few misspellings, but he could easily figure out what it was his teammate was saying: _My birthday. Sakura-chan's making jello shots. Get your ass over here in fifteen minutes or find a new best friend. Oh, and Gamakichi will kick your ass._

With a snort, he peered over the note at the fearsome frog in question, eyebrow raised.

"Don't look at me. I'm just the messenger." With that, the summon promptly disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Sasuke crumpled the note and dropped it on the table. He clearly remembered what happened last time the three of them got together under the pretense of 'drinks' and, after a quick glance at himself, decided to go change. Preferably into something with several layers and lots of buttons.

Birthday or not, Dead Last was going to have to work for it this time.


	4. Quick Fix :NaruAnko:

**A/N:** Yesterday was Naruto's birthday, and I couldn't let my favorite boy celebrate without some drabble lovin'. XD This one was reworded a bit, since I'm not too sure where the actual line is drawn over here. And I have one more to add if I can ever get it to work.  
**Pairing:** angsty NaruAnko (wtf?) and a hint of SasuSaku  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor can I vouch for my sanity at the point.

--

The two stumble through the bathroom door and into the first open stall they can find, ignoring the look of disgust from the woman washing her hands less than ten feet away. What does he care? It's not like he asked her to join or anything.

The door's warped, and the lock doesn't align right, so he shoves her back against it to keep it shut. His hand snakes under a thigh, pulling it up around his waist as he rips a hole in the crotch of her mesh body suit.

She grins and says he's buying her a new one as she works open his fly, and he agrees. A drunken bathroom quickie is worth it, he thinks. But then her hand wraps tightly around him, positioning him, and then he's in and no longer has to think about anything more than the feeling of wet, hot bliss. Her other leg joins the first around his waist as he bangs her against the stall door, the sound of wood slapping against wood with each thrust echoing off the tiled floor loud enough to completely drown out the squeaking of the hinges and her labored breath.

She's ridiculously light, her body toned but short, and for a brief moment, it's hard for him to imagine this is the same woman who'd freaked him out during his first Chuunin exam years ago. But then she shrieks and bites down on his shoulder hard enough to break skin through his vest as she convulses around him, and he no longer cares. Doesn't care who it is so long as it's not Sakura-chan or Sasuke-bastard, because even though he's happy for them, it _hurts_. It hurts more than he ever thought it would, but right now, with his hands on Anko's ass as he tenses and shudders, he feels nothing but the swimming of his head and the tingling of his body, and it's the best he's felt all fucking day.


End file.
